We had a change in the solar system recently. You would think something like that would be memorable, but honestly I could not pinpoint the day it happened. It just did.
It is sad for us, because, Beautiful and I enjoyed the old order. We were the twin stars of Pooh Bear’s little world. He would love nothing more than to see either one of us. No matter what was happening if we walked into the room, everything else in his world stopped.
Every morning he would get up and charge into my office to get his morning hug and see what Daddy was working on. That was then. That was the old star. Oh, he will still come see me, and I still get hugs, especially when he is tired or just needs a little “pick me up.” But there are other things he needs to do now.
Pooh Bear is a busy toddler with a jammed packed schedule. There are only so many hours in the day to play cars, watch Cars, or read about cars. He has to make sure he is getting the most from his day. If he were older, he might say he was “Redeeming the time.” Or “Being a wise steward with his day.” If he were more classically trained, “Carpe Diem,” might be his mantra.
As a parent it can be somewhat deflating to know that even in the eyes of a two year old, you take a back seat to things (sticking with the car theme here). And that is where the problem is.
We don’t have children for our self-esteem or for how they make us feel important, needed or valued. Children are a gift that we are able to enjoy protecting and pass along the pearls of wisdom that were given to us by our parents, or that we picked up along the way. We are parenting well when we can equip them to not need us, and simultaneously do it in such a way that they still love us, and love to visit with us anyway. Each child at each age has unique challenges that require help to overcome. As we teach them to overcome those challenges, we are teaching them to stand, as much as possible, on their own. You may be blessed with a special needs child that will always require your help their entire life. Their independence will be limited to a large degree, but we need to give them what we can.
Being replaced in the solar system is a natural part of the world. I have been through it seven times now. It doesn’t get any more enjoyable to know you were demoted, but it does get easier. At least in this case, a demotion is a good thing. I might not be Pooh Bear’s sun anymore, but I know that is not because I got smaller. It is because his world got bigger. That is fun to watch, if you are not too busy feeling sorry for yourself.
I might not be Pooh Bear’s sun anymore, but I know that is not because I got smaller. It is because his world got bigger.
Seven on Earth 